I have been given a gift, unexpectedly, of TIME to attend to my & our personal business, to create my art, organize my art and life and accumulated possessions, to react to life now as it stands on the turning point of freedom and democracy, to garden, to focus on those I love and get a better balance, my health, me, oh YES!

 

So I am thrust to bust

To break to ache to

Grow to listen & learn

To come forth from myself

To u earth, rekindle, find,

Relax and be less angry as

I have been angry & fearing

And I need to let most all of

It GO! BEgone withYOU that

Impedes my joy and growth &

Love , childish delight, focused

On my goals and doing what NOW

Must be done, must be accomplished 

By me, I am the one in the driver’s seat!

I am here to deal with the cold & heat!

I am on a crusade to make more red BLUE!

The temperatures inside turned to scalding sooooo my insides my being entier as they say in French, to scalding scolding,holding, helping, harassing me soooo, pesky, perky, pertinent, gut rumblings, escaping my total feeing of being so completely lost and alone!

 

I am set to implode any minute smothered

Spread spanking spurted sparked sinning so

I must be a supreme sinner! I must be a total

Complete lost cause with no cause at all X so

Cept accept NOT be I so bloody sullied in my

Own spit sperm dirt filth sweet sour sweat so

Mired mirrored marked murked mucked mocked

Not understood or loved yet supremely loved

Yet I am so distracted from that which grounds

Me to life to others my wonderful wife that has

Always stood by me not disputing me feeling

Abandoned by me and for that I must atone and

Make  amends  before it is too late I still can it do!

My art with black acrylics and two tiny brushed plumes that smear and smudge and mirror some of my steady guttural churning unease these days to make what’s wrong , what’s i addressed  dressed and right! Tony 8/18/2024 Sunday 6:34pm now listening to Jacques Brel that I love in French! Tombe!

Nag nag nag a nagging a disquieting upsetting uneasy feeling not an easy peaceful feeling, the reverse! So here I go again with full throttle and full purpose yes yes yes yes YES!

 

The nag, the constant unease in anag a pull 

A tug a jerk a nudge a nasty feeling of not

Being or doing or making or sharing or being

Enough so I say Enough is enough! I have had

Enough to last me the rest of my life now I will 

Just focus on finishing what I have started and

Worked on so far all of my life to make me proud!

My work this morning Saturday morning August 17,2024 black acrylic on paper with brush, line drawings and shading and shadows gesturing suggesting life in black and grays and more! Enjoy! Tony 8/17/2024 Saturday morning now late

Promoting art is a full-time emersion experience life-long job , or so it appears!

 

When did it become more than making art?!

When did the artist have to sell himself or her-

Self, he/him she/her LGBT or binary or the persons 

or persons making the art, or the art selling itself?!

What is the market? What is the human landscape of peops 

buying or not buying art!?!? Should an artist devote 

Time to this at all!? I am reading a book about it now

Written in 1978 by an artist by the name of Carole katchen

And it is blowing my fragile-strong-questioning-artFULL

Being so with so much involved to have a successful

Art career and make your money off your art, enough

To live on and not have another job, and this is all WAY

Before the internet and all forms of social  media!

I have waited till now at age 70 simply focusing on

Making whatever art I could ALL on my own terms

And am pleased worried sure yet not, confident and

Full of doubts, questions,  uncertainties, more! Yes

I am a mess but I have a body of work to fall back

Onto as I have fifty years of works to show if I

Choose. That gives me a life’s reactions  and re-

Cordings through all my senses filtered but not fined 

or especially defined, open for individual interprets

As it is all so truly subjective and personal, or, at

Least should be and not with the only driving factor

To be money! Have your own opinion, dare to! I

Dare you to do so, to fly free in the wind and get

Back your own individual power and strength of u!

Above is one of my word-writings I have done in the 

last few days, in sketch book with acrylic paint & brush.

My art is for sale, contact me if interested, or interested 

In seeing more. I am working on my next art show, stay 

tuned for so very much more! Sante a tous! To health!

Almost TOO overwhelming! Slow down, speed up, refocus, be kind, be easy on myself, PUSH constantly! Feel drained and sooooooo ELATED stressed, too! Stretched to my limits, not really! just KIDding, the kid in me lives ON!

 I am a mess really a nut a mad house in brain

Emotions libido a train wreck always about to

Explode collide and YET there is life, there is

Pain drain strain and that outdoors lovely rain!

Some of my recent word- writings with black acrylic and  brush above

In all my struggles, real, invented, imagined 

I am a happy soul, an elated lit fart smart tart!

Toast me up before I burn myself up like a 

Strudel without icing that would be too much

Sugar for me WAY! And smile and hopeful I

Am on a tear, tearing and tearing at seams edges

Of my eyes so mushy so romantic so dreamy so

Alive and making my life hard as it can hard be!

I do not do anything easy! It is Ike I am always

So fresh, as if learning each and every time! I 

Make things life 

, existing Extra Super Sizing 

Difficult,

AS AN ARTIST

I do everything to not be commercial! I do not

Want to be commercial! The only commercial I

Want is to be a commercial for not being commercial!

ALL my art I do intimately yet very publicly! I am my

Own model, I am not vain but I am an exhibitionist!

I love being naked, I love showing myself in the

Spirit of being free! I draw and write in books, I

Draw on both sides, I use lots of recyclable things that

Would be discarded by most. I believe in recycling.

I save, I do not waste except on my waist that is round

And jolly a good fellow indeed! I do not court the galleries

I am horrible at promoting my art! I draw people’s portraits

And give many away. And yet I have much art work and

So I must ok to find homes for it as I continue to draw 

And to write! So here it is, I draw in books so I must

Now publish them, I must put myself forth and out there!

The time was then to wait till now to begin

My word-writing of today, Tuesday August 13, 2024, a beautiful day and it says :

Cut the crap!

What a drag it is getting to be

The wait the worry the stress

The stain to do continue gain

Same refrain stain drain and yet

The knowing it must be whether

Anyone knows it but me to keep 

My butt in motion to know my

Notion it must’ve to set me ON

I need to do this that of certain 

BE I do and firm And fraught

Wrought war rant rank run over 

My my doubts my lost self so

Under ooohhhhhh over whelmed

Ddddd dang I am a bloody mess

I confess! You got me! Guilty of

In darkness wrapped trapped feel

Stripped striped strapped and so sick 

all over I am a strawberry turnover 

Soon to be fed soon to be gone so

Instead of ending now I begin as

Only myself me my I all over again

Gain pain strain drain rain refresh!

Working on empty MTY so often I have lost track and still pursue my goal to be as true to myself in my art art I possibly can spontaneous, raw, unedited, brash, vulgar, honest, loose, base, brute, untamed, original as possible to simply be a reflection of me in my art as I am living open and active,nalert and observant as possible, connected in nature in doubt, fear, self- conscious determined , gutting it out OUT from In!

 

I am simply moving and reacting all alone

I have that confidence and struggle with it

All as it is a constant a lot to handle as it

Come all the time. There is not ever much 

Of a break. I choose to react, I choose to be

A part of all that is around d me, all that I

Sense and I with an openness accept it as a

Life force, an honor, a blessing, a trial a trail

That which I must listen to and react to and

Not run away from as it is my lot it is my being

I love my life I am here to e involved to

Be a part to e on the stage to be alive as

Fullas I may and it sure is taxi git sure 

Puts weight and pressure , pierces and

Dices and slices, stabs, hugs, holds, kisses

Me at all given times I live it I love it , I

Know I may do this, I know there is worth.

I feel it is right even though I realize I am

Bucking every train of thought, of process

As I do this alone without any help. Without

Any encouragement, without blessing, with-

Out a hig or a kiss, silence is my audience asI

 do not exactly please, no one knows what to

Say or how to react!? But my mission is not to

Please it is to record to put down that which I

Am reacting to as honestly as I possibly may

Whether others in my lifetime will ever understand 

That is not problem or my concern, I must be me!

I have chosen a method a goal a purpose a manner a fashion a firm resolve to do my art unhindered and observed by others in the sincere goal to be as original, raw and fresh, frantic and brave spontaneous and inspired, hope original and not stupid,

 

It is a style a belief a trusting so of gut

Born and forced first was my gut and

So I will put my spiritual being into the

Avenue and acting reacting and recording

Of first instantaneous impressions imps &

Professors and students and teachers as I am

Alone in this as it gains no accolades, makes 

No money, but those were never my aims as

I want to try and forge my own path and

Not follow the crowd as the younger with

Age I get the sharper my eyes and senses

And observations to serve no one in my

Earnest pursuits but myself! Who is anyone

To judge another, their worth their word their

Style they’re being there living their ways!? Not

Me, I will go this manner of thinking, working,

Believing, trusting and follow it through without

Having any way of knowing where it will lead me

And what I may produce with words colors images

Associations, questions , songs, theater, opera,

I am to be swept up by that energy all around me, let

It have its way and ways with me as I am sure there

Are many, so waiting to experience ad to respond and

React, I have no exact way of knowing, not caring 

Except wanting to be safe and alive to get up the next day

Pushing all my buttons, all my boundaries, being yes

Brave fearless, not caring what others may say, write 

Or do in response as they are not my masters, they are

Not my judges, they may gossip as gossip they will

That is often the way, so I weigh in on all of this believing

In myself my abilities my worth my salvation my being

I am open to it all, I am here, lucky so with true life,love!

We are so weak in so many ways, best not to be put in temptation’s way too often as, besides ourselves,mothers steer as that way for their profits and gain and our loss!

 

I find direction in my art and am glad

Thinking of deleting so much social

Media emptiness we all share like the

Piano man and Joel and Billy and so

Many of us that are swept and dumped 

Away to so fritter and flounder and lose

Ourselves our identities our wills our way

Ways to be so betrayed so swayed so yes

Weighed found so very wanting and able 

Them by to spoon feed so many of us so 

That even though not in sec they may still

With us have their greedy selfish ways &

For me that will not stand, I will find and 

Stay my way and make my way on my own

In strength courage bravery pig-headedness 

And at least knowing it was by my doing and 

Not by others that care not an ounce xcept

When suits them and by us they money make!

Oh they are so fucking bloody bastard fake!

A privilege , an honor, a duty a burden an pain a pleasure!

 

Working harder than ever that I recall

Feel more stressed ad anxious as my

Body tells me so as I feel physical and

Mental crushing into, onto, upon, inside

Of me, new sensations , painful & dis-

quieting strange odd scary unpleasant 

question marks so marking and dogging

Me as I plod along forcing myself to 

Persist, at IT keep so as to not fall back

As I have the past of my life’s accomplish-

Mends meant to be brought to light, and,

Who better than I to do so, working at odd

Off and even and on hours minutes, seconds,

It wanting to lose my inspirations, my gut

Reactions here with my word-writings I 

Press on to get to the root, the bottom, yo

Mix the sur lie tge grape bunches of me my

Myself I inspirations as you see and bread I

Hope one that I have done recently and

Share here with you all below done in

August with black acrylic and brush on

Paper that I have @Fuxisketchbook 9

By 12 inches, 100 sheets of virgin white 

surface to write or draw on as I please!

No comfort, no ease, just pushing myself 

And my limits to create something that

Has simply grown from living and reacting!

A  privilege, an honor , a pledge, a burden 

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Trying hard, YES! This is my vision through my art, my authentic actual , all mine, my true to my art,t he rawness, the real, the NOT commercial asE t, just the reaction I have, the compulsion, the impetus, the direction, the tug and the pull, the pain and effort and exercise and awareness to everything it embodies as i use whatever is at my disposal, and I like to recycle ad preserve that which is around me so it does not have to be thrown away, to utilize that which has been in my life, not that which I have to buy to make my art. To be true and not be thinking about making money as I create.

 My word writing below, two of them in my sketch book pad! August 2024

Life is hard and I face it constantly as we all do.

I want to be exclusively expressive of my own self.

I do not want to be repetitive, I do not want to copy.

I want to add myself and not someone else or others.

I do not want to have to sell myself or my art artificially.

I want to be found by those that are willing to explore

With me and to have them learn and gain in ding so.

I am not an expert, I am not vain and believe that you

All need my art. I do not want to sell myself under any

False pretenses, I do not believe in that, yes, I do want

To be

Discovered

But, for 

All the right reasons 

And by that

I mean

Not for glory or money or recognition

Not for vanity or selfishness or self congratulations.

I simply want at some point for

The world to get an inkling

A small, or great

Appreciation and joy 

And sorrow

Equal amounts

Of pain

In looking reading seeing

What both I and my art may offer.

Not for the money, not for fakery

Not for the commercial aspects 

Simply for

The authenticity 

The rawness the bravery

The simple, the stark,

The meow and the bark,

The murmur the purr

The still the calm

The alarm the mad

The glad the glade

The water the fire

The blade the stone

The flesh and 

The bone 

The red of the blood

The rant the rub

The welcome

Not the snub

The table and meal

Food and wine

Conversation

And love

The safety 

The equality

The hug and the tub!

Whether lean or chub

Preferred naked and

Bare and beautiful 

Handsome too

The proud the 

Real presence and respect

The humble the honest

The truth in our pain

The erasing yes

To a large extent

Of the stain the drain

The atrocities to others

The crimes often unnamed

Or blamed, under the rug

Those abused left with shame

Let’s give light to yes

Those attacks on our characters

This willing us to blame to

Call out for no reason but

For their selfish personal gain.

We must change our ways now

Do in our actions our arts

That which will both heal and

Deal to those a quick swift heel!

Till we smile and in joy squeal!

 

Been a great two weeks’ off , one at the Outer Banks beaching it, rating it, and three nights in Brooklyn , NewYork Williamsburg, and the rest hereChez Quinn’s innorthern Virginia, and today,nWednesday I go back to work, summerParis Olympics, too, Kamala Harris Democratic Presidential nominee 2024, 3 months to go,mTim here running mate!

 

All good, loving it, lots of quality family time,s Wimbledon yesterday afternoon at Abigail’s pool that was so refreshing

 focus is the name

My game, turn inwards, forget the world of people

Except do react, but choose your moments,

I choose mine,

I am pulled by myself in too many directions,

Have to simplify!

Writing, drawing, observing, listening,

Gulping,

Slurping

Eye-IN-g,

Smelling,

Stopping

Smelling, careful and calm,

Patient and

Focused

Anxious,

Trying not to be frantic

That nagging sensation,

Must control it,

Lose it, cast it off,

Turn it off,

Throw away all 

Social media noise,

All outside noise,

That people noise,

Just hear the crickets

Just notice the cicada music,

These songs outdoors!

I feel stuck,

Have to unstuck,

Stick my landings,

No splash going in, 

Know I work silently,

Understand others do not

Me understand at all,

And

This should be of no concern to me,

I should not care what if at all

They even think of me,

As,

I have to finish

That which I begun,

Have done,

In out about yes

So many small steps,

Working for short spurts

Only a few minutes in 

A bit

A lot

Of haste

Not wanting to lose

To waste to 

My way my self

Me my I

On earth

In the sky

Under water

I loved my plunge

In the blue chlorine water

Of Ah ah’s pool

Yesterday afternoon

Refreshing

Refreshed

Even-tempered

Put thoughts in their

Rightful places

Turn them off

Stop them

What is most

Important

What will

Make me

Happy

Now 

What do I

Focus on 

To create 

To exist

 to matter

To have relevance 

To find it if

Possible

A degree

Of satisfaction 

We’re men born

To be

Happy

To work

To produce

Glad to have

My life

To be

Feel

Soooooo

Very

Alive

Blessed 

Am I

To realize

To understand 

Ton appreciate 

To welcome 

To embrace

To include

Talk to

Be open

Be available to

New exciting scary

Unknown

Untried

Experiences

To not live

To others judge

I am free

I am happy

I am positive

I am me

I want to

Simply so hard this

Just to be me

To live my life

Fully

On edge

At the edge

On empty

On full

On my own terms

My parents let me

Do this

By myself

Make many of

My own mistakes

Not to be spoon fed

By them

They left me alone

They loved me

They did not

Force me

In any way

At all

It was all

Up to me

For that

I am

Eternally

Grateful 

To them

The greatest 

Gift

A parent 

Can give

Their child

Is to set them

Free

And free 

I have been

Privileged 

Without knowing it

Ashamed that

I have

Been so innocent

So unaware

So in a bubble

The balance

In life

The inequality

The privilege

Hoarded stolen

From others

Unfair

Advantages 

Criminal’s really 

The greed tge selfishness 

The power gluttons 

The money pimps

The old white male

Atrocities 

Perpetuated

Not punished

As they should 

Have been

But

Given a free pass

Ignored

Turned out

Excused, looked away

Forgiven

Forgotten

Made excuses for,

Unconscionable 

Cruel man-made

Realities

To suit them to excuse

Them

To pardon them

When no pardon

Should have ever

Been a consideration

Make ur world 

Great again?

America

Great again?

MAGA

Our world

America 

Has never

Been 

Great

We have

Too

Many

Sins

To 

Atone

For

To many

Monsters

Boogee Men

In our

Closets 

Homes

Work places

To fix

To shine light on

To discipline 

To call out

To discuss 

To hold accountable 

For!

We are not

Great

We are

Human

We are

Weak

We are bullies

We are 

Bastards

Pimps

Thugs

Criminals

Rapists

Murderers

Unforgivable 

Fuckers

Fucked up

Having sooo

Fucked UP

Our world

For

Our

Undeserved

Unwarranted

We need now

More

Compassion

Empathy

Love

Understanding

Welcoming

Listening

Working

Together

For 

Equality 

For all

Fr our

Collective

Greater good

Wealth

Health

Safety

Satisfactions

No one

Should

Have to live

In such fear!

We all deserve 

So much

Better

Than that

Cheers to the

Good 

In us

Buried away

For so long

Time to dig

It up

Plant it

Afresh

Water it

Nurture it

Watch it

Grow 

As we, too

Grow 

With it!