Why I Draw ? On White ?

These two questions surface now and then and I'm always intrigued by each of them. I'm driven, I'm directed, I'm pushed to draw and to work these white surfaces. They are my stages, they are my stories told over and over and over again. I need to retell my stories because in the telling of them I rediscover or at least reassert myself. This is fun and mental both to me thus the word : fundamental. The fun is excruciating, it dogs me , it bugs me, it hounds me ever so and often at night. But I'm tired then, I want to be pampered and yet I'm supposed to create on a white backdrop.
If I don't create something then I can't tell myself that I'm really an artist can I ? I need the proof of doing : those motions jerked and strained and sprained so often are rough and articulate in their absolute inarticulatenesses! They are savage, primal, threadbare and yet so very alive , fertile and some quite pregnant. I can feel it in every fiber of my being. I know when I've touched the bottom of my self, IT all resounds so clearly and so truthfully. I may not understand, I may not know, I may not fully grasp. In fact I know that I will never fully grasp anything except the simple concept that I will never grasp all of this experience of drawing. It does not matter. I know to leave well enough alone. I know or feel keenly to not edit myself out of the equation. Thta's grand. I love this. I triumph in this. I'm proud of this. Take me or not but if you do then take me in my nakedness and rawness, crudeness, human clarity and humble,endearing, loving and nurturing as well as fearing, hating, loathing resentful and self-centered sublimeness. I'm what I am!
I draw to come closer to myself and to touch my life and that of others through my drawings of faces and bodies and their abstractions abstracted in those of wondrous, vibrant, wild and raging, staging, storming Nature. I love and eat life daily. Life I fill these virgin white pages with but life that rings of truth, unvarnished, unedited and both gut and hearty/soulful. My drawings I want to be filled with energy and all the highs and lows and everything else in between of what to me registers as real life. I don't give a rat's ass to impress others. I'm not trying to please. I want something that rings true so that it will last even if it's badly executed , raw and flawed. That's life. Majesty and mire and mud and sunshine warming the muddy dried backs of pigs and hypos all in one.
We are what we are. We are still largely primitive, at least our bodies are, beautiful, cruel, savage destructive and constructive. My sharp attack with pen and pencil and crayon, brush and all pastels and watercolors is about the undiluted, forceful statements that we and life make continually - sometimes plainly visible, sometimes not.
So I stab and I scratch and jot, splash, thrust, grind, grip, rip, paste and stripped of vanity and hopefully falseness, too - I draw and paint and collage and save myself somehow in this totally enmeshing process. Cheers, TONY