I have been given a gift, unexpectedly, of TIME to attend to my & our personal business, to create my art, organize my art and life and accumulated possessions, to react to life now as it stands on the turning point of freedom and democracy, to garden, to focus on those I love and get a better balance, my health, me, oh YES!

 

So I am thrust to bust

To break to ache to

Grow to listen & learn

To come forth from myself

To u earth, rekindle, find,

Relax and be less angry as

I have been angry & fearing

And I need to let most all of

It GO! BEgone withYOU that

Impedes my joy and growth &

Love , childish delight, focused

On my goals and doing what NOW

Must be done, must be accomplished 

By me, I am the one in the driver’s seat!

I am here to deal with the cold & heat!

I am on a crusade to make more red BLUE!

The temperatures inside turned to scalding sooooo my insides my being entier as they say in French, to scalding scolding,holding, helping, harassing me soooo, pesky, perky, pertinent, gut rumblings, escaping my total feeing of being so completely lost and alone!

 

I am set to implode any minute smothered

Spread spanking spurted sparked sinning so

I must be a supreme sinner! I must be a total

Complete lost cause with no cause at all X so

Cept accept NOT be I so bloody sullied in my

Own spit sperm dirt filth sweet sour sweat so

Mired mirrored marked murked mucked mocked

Not understood or loved yet supremely loved

Yet I am so distracted from that which grounds

Me to life to others my wonderful wife that has

Always stood by me not disputing me feeling

Abandoned by me and for that I must atone and

Make  amends  before it is too late I still can it do!

My art with black acrylics and two tiny brushed plumes that smear and smudge and mirror some of my steady guttural churning unease these days to make what’s wrong , what’s i addressed  dressed and right! Tony 8/18/2024 Sunday 6:34pm now listening to Jacques Brel that I love in French! Tombe!

Nag nag nag a nagging a disquieting upsetting uneasy feeling not an easy peaceful feeling, the reverse! So here I go again with full throttle and full purpose yes yes yes yes YES!

 

The nag, the constant unease in anag a pull 

A tug a jerk a nudge a nasty feeling of not

Being or doing or making or sharing or being

Enough so I say Enough is enough! I have had

Enough to last me the rest of my life now I will 

Just focus on finishing what I have started and

Worked on so far all of my life to make me proud!

My work this morning Saturday morning August 17,2024 black acrylic on paper with brush, line drawings and shading and shadows gesturing suggesting life in black and grays and more! Enjoy! Tony 8/17/2024 Saturday morning now late

Promoting art is a full-time emersion experience life-long job , or so it appears!

 

When did it become more than making art?!

When did the artist have to sell himself or her-

Self, he/him she/her LGBT or binary or the persons 

or persons making the art, or the art selling itself?!

What is the market? What is the human landscape of peops 

buying or not buying art!?!? Should an artist devote 

Time to this at all!? I am reading a book about it now

Written in 1978 by an artist by the name of Carole katchen

And it is blowing my fragile-strong-questioning-artFULL

Being so with so much involved to have a successful

Art career and make your money off your art, enough

To live on and not have another job, and this is all WAY

Before the internet and all forms of social  media!

I have waited till now at age 70 simply focusing on

Making whatever art I could ALL on my own terms

And am pleased worried sure yet not, confident and

Full of doubts, questions,  uncertainties, more! Yes

I am a mess but I have a body of work to fall back

Onto as I have fifty years of works to show if I

Choose. That gives me a life’s reactions  and re-

Cordings through all my senses filtered but not fined 

or especially defined, open for individual interprets

As it is all so truly subjective and personal, or, at

Least should be and not with the only driving factor

To be money! Have your own opinion, dare to! I

Dare you to do so, to fly free in the wind and get

Back your own individual power and strength of u!

Above is one of my word-writings I have done in the 

last few days, in sketch book with acrylic paint & brush.

My art is for sale, contact me if interested, or interested 

In seeing more. I am working on my next art show, stay 

tuned for so very much more! Sante a tous! To health!

Almost TOO overwhelming! Slow down, speed up, refocus, be kind, be easy on myself, PUSH constantly! Feel drained and sooooooo ELATED stressed, too! Stretched to my limits, not really! just KIDding, the kid in me lives ON!

 I am a mess really a nut a mad house in brain

Emotions libido a train wreck always about to

Explode collide and YET there is life, there is

Pain drain strain and that outdoors lovely rain!

Some of my recent word- writings with black acrylic and  brush above

In all my struggles, real, invented, imagined 

I am a happy soul, an elated lit fart smart tart!

Toast me up before I burn myself up like a 

Strudel without icing that would be too much

Sugar for me WAY! And smile and hopeful I

Am on a tear, tearing and tearing at seams edges

Of my eyes so mushy so romantic so dreamy so

Alive and making my life hard as it can hard be!

I do not do anything easy! It is Ike I am always

So fresh, as if learning each and every time! I 

Make things life 

, existing Extra Super Sizing 

Difficult,

AS AN ARTIST

I do everything to not be commercial! I do not

Want to be commercial! The only commercial I

Want is to be a commercial for not being commercial!

ALL my art I do intimately yet very publicly! I am my

Own model, I am not vain but I am an exhibitionist!

I love being naked, I love showing myself in the

Spirit of being free! I draw and write in books, I

Draw on both sides, I use lots of recyclable things that

Would be discarded by most. I believe in recycling.

I save, I do not waste except on my waist that is round

And jolly a good fellow indeed! I do not court the galleries

I am horrible at promoting my art! I draw people’s portraits

And give many away. And yet I have much art work and

So I must ok to find homes for it as I continue to draw 

And to write! So here it is, I draw in books so I must

Now publish them, I must put myself forth and out there!

The time was then to wait till now to begin

My word-writing of today, Tuesday August 13, 2024, a beautiful day and it says :

Cut the crap!

What a drag it is getting to be

The wait the worry the stress

The stain to do continue gain

Same refrain stain drain and yet

The knowing it must be whether

Anyone knows it but me to keep 

My butt in motion to know my

Notion it must’ve to set me ON

I need to do this that of certain 

BE I do and firm And fraught

Wrought war rant rank run over 

My my doubts my lost self so

Under ooohhhhhh over whelmed

Ddddd dang I am a bloody mess

I confess! You got me! Guilty of

In darkness wrapped trapped feel

Stripped striped strapped and so sick 

all over I am a strawberry turnover 

Soon to be fed soon to be gone so

Instead of ending now I begin as

Only myself me my I all over again

Gain pain strain drain rain refresh!

Working on empty MTY so often I have lost track and still pursue my goal to be as true to myself in my art art I possibly can spontaneous, raw, unedited, brash, vulgar, honest, loose, base, brute, untamed, original as possible to simply be a reflection of me in my art as I am living open and active,nalert and observant as possible, connected in nature in doubt, fear, self- conscious determined , gutting it out OUT from In!

 

I am simply moving and reacting all alone

I have that confidence and struggle with it

All as it is a constant a lot to handle as it

Come all the time. There is not ever much 

Of a break. I choose to react, I choose to be

A part of all that is around d me, all that I

Sense and I with an openness accept it as a

Life force, an honor, a blessing, a trial a trail

That which I must listen to and react to and

Not run away from as it is my lot it is my being

I love my life I am here to e involved to

Be a part to e on the stage to be alive as

Fullas I may and it sure is taxi git sure 

Puts weight and pressure , pierces and

Dices and slices, stabs, hugs, holds, kisses

Me at all given times I live it I love it , I

Know I may do this, I know there is worth.

I feel it is right even though I realize I am

Bucking every train of thought, of process

As I do this alone without any help. Without

Any encouragement, without blessing, with-

Out a hig or a kiss, silence is my audience asI

 do not exactly please, no one knows what to

Say or how to react!? But my mission is not to

Please it is to record to put down that which I

Am reacting to as honestly as I possibly may

Whether others in my lifetime will ever understand 

That is not problem or my concern, I must be me!